Cher Reynolds. — Hangover Free Living

As I write this blog post, I’m 5 months alcohol-free. I never in a million years thought I would be writing a post like this but here we are. I always saw alcohol as the best way to let loose, to relax, to celebrate, to commiserate. I was really good at drinking.

It started like it does for many young people in Britain. Your parents let you have a cocktail or two on holiday. You start sneaking booze into the park with your mates. You try weed and poppers. It goes from there and that is seen as normal. I distinctly remember my friend’s mum buying us three bottles of wine at 14 or 15 years old. We drank the lot in her tiny bedroom. Another mother was going through a messy divorce. After the pub, we’d go back to her house for a party with free-flowing alcohol until the early hours of the morning while she disappeared with a local bloke. We were 15. Perhaps that wasn’t so normal.

By the time I was at Uni, I’d forgotten how to interact without the crutch of alcohol. Booze watered down my self-esteem issues and pushed me to be the extroverted firecracker I wanted to be. I was deep into the music scene and when the indie sleaze era was in full swing so was my relationship with party drugs and alcohol. It was amazing until it wasn’t. A few years went by. I struggled with depression. I quit party drugs. I deferred a year of Uni. I graduated. I moved to a new city. I started a new job. I got lonely. I fell right back into the party drug scene. I had a breakdown (yeah, another one). So I did what any sensible person would do; I moved to China. I was finally free! Or was I? I may have cut ties with drugs but alcohol had stowed away in my hand luggage and would stay by my side as my constant companion for years to come.

Looking back, I seemed to have a pattern. If I were in a happy and loving relationship, I would be able to control my drinking. Unfortunately, and I’m sure this comes as no surprise to the women out there, I wasn’t often in that kind of relationship. I couldn’t find real love. I sure as heck couldn’t love myself. So I continued the love affair with my only constant companion - a gin & slimline tonic.

If I listed the amount of sketchy situations I got myself into because of alcohol then you’d be reading a novel, not a blog post so let’s skip ahead. I’d been living in Asia for about a decade. I’d found success and had a wonderful time but never really found true happiness. There was always something missing. My confidence was a thorn in my side. I struggled to control my weight which fluctuated dramatically over the years. I joined the gym, I got a PT, I signed up for spin classes, I started running with a mate, I started intermittent fasting, calorie counting, and the 5:2 diet. Nothing ever stuck. I’d get so close then revert back to my old habits.

Eventually, I moved back to the UK to be closer to my family and to escape the rat race. I moved to a tiny Welsh seaside town in North Wales. Dramatic mountains, rolling valleys and stunning coastline. It was worlds apart from Shanghai and Singapore. I dove into being healthy and started hiking. I loved being out in nature. But relocating to Wales wasn’t easy. I hardly knew anyone and I was dealing with reverse culture shock. I craved human connection. Again, I found solace in the pub. I was staying out later than most and binging on junk food in an attempt to soak up the booze and make myself feel better. I would wake up the next day with little recollection of the previous night and the worst hangover anxiety. I would have to cancel hiking plans to spend the next few days recovering on the sofa. Of course, I attempted to moderate. Something I’d been trying to do since the beginning of time (God loves a trier!). I gave myself the classic three-drink rule. I tried to have a soda and lime in between gins. Turns out, drunk people don’t follow rules. Surprise, surprise!

My darkest moments came when I started having suicidal thoughts. This shocked me as my life was, in theory, wonderful. I felt like I’d been doing terrible things on nights out when I hadn’t at all. I was still choosing the wrong blokes and after getting my backside groped (twice) by an old man in the pub, I decided enough was enough. I needed to take back control of my mind and body. On November 5th 2023, I got sober. No more drink, no more drugs. Just me.

I’m not going to lie - It was terrifying! I didn’t know how to communicate with people without a drink in my hand. I found it hard to speak up in social situations and I would second-guess myself. Following sober creators on social media and joining a sober community on Facebook gave me the courage to keep going. Sooner than I thought, my true self started to shine through. I realised that I never really needed alcohol to be funny or charming. I was that person all along!

My mornings used to start with depressive thoughts, but now I awake with positivity. I can still go to the pub but I’m in control and know when to leave. I cook healthy meals for myself, I hike more, I go to the gym and I’m even training for my first 10k race in June! Weight has dropped off me. I’ve gone from a size 16 to a size 12 since moving back from Singapore. I owe the majority of that weight loss to getting sober. The dopamine I craved from nights out and boozing, I now get from exercise. I’m better at my job, my mind is clear, I no longer put myself in dangerous situations and I have healthy boundaries. Although I’m still single, I’m okay with it. I love myself and I’m proud of my achievements. I have become my own hero.

Many of my friends and family were surprised to hear that I’d given up drinking. To many of them, I was the fun person at a party and they were unaware of the dark side of my addiction issues. It’s only since I cut out alcohol that they have seen the light explode into my life. Sometimes I wonder if I regret not quitting sooner but I know that the person I was years ago couldn’t have done it. She wasn’t strong enough. I needed to go through it to beat it.

If you are considering getting sober, just do it! You never really know your true potential until you live an alcohol-free life. Besides, no one ever said they regretted not drinking but how many times have you heard it the other way around? The alcohol industry is cunning and has convinced generations of us that we need to purchase alcohol to have a good time. Encouraging us to make booze the star of the show when in fact, we are the true stars. It’s time to take back the limelight. The soda and lime-light!

Thank you Cher for being so open and honest. An interesting and varied life for sure, now better for Hangover Free Living. Below are the links to Cher’s own Blog - Sober Scribbles and her Instagram Account - meimeiokay. I would highly recommend giving both a look.